So many things to talk about, but all I can think of is this gaping wound still ringing hollow in our chests. Overkill is dead. His visage haunted my dreams for so many years but I cannot remember the point at which they became part of me, now I wish I had savoured them more keeping the details of his laughter, his life the way he walked and lived better entrenched in my memories. I would even settle for the dirtiest socks from his very feet, but evil has even robbed us of that. Lava burnt away any object that might hold that acrid scent I once avoided. I remember the nights Nosse and I would hide our noses buried deep in each other’s coats to muffle that certain aroma that would sometimes be too much, now I wish I could roll in it capture his imprint to carry on with us in this quest that was his life and claimed it. I’m under no illusion of the dangers or the likelihood I too will give my life for our purpose it is only selfishness that makes me hope we might all have been there for it’s accomplishment. We witnessed a miracle in Shandala and were allowed to meet him one last time but his screams when he was finally torn away to the waiting afterlife were more upsetting than any earlier pain. Though we didn’t need the reminder or incentive it makes the completion of this quest more urgent again. I pine for his wife I hope when the news finds her she is not alone that she has found new family to care for her as she has given her life as much to this mission as the rest of us without the directive of any god but out of love, and with no reward but torture and loss. The gods have sent us a “replacement” and I hate the word, I want to tear it apart in my brain, nobody can replace our Overkill. Is this how the others felt on my arrival, thinking they would give ten of me to have their missing friend back. Of course Tyv isn’t dead but I see they still miss his presence. Our new brother is light hearted, and whilst his every high pitched word claws the wound in my heart I see the gods wisdom that at some point he may lift out spirits back up and strengthen us in our journey. For the time being though I keep the unearned resentment to myself, one day it will fade and Burlap no doubt will take his place in my heart. Certainly it feels as if there were enough room there to house an army, so much space the dwarf seemed to inhabit. As we travel back to Rogtilda all caught in our own reverie a cowardice rises in me I wish I could deny, how to break the boats sentient heart is beyond me. I cringe at the future I see to witness Rog’s pain another stab of the blade I wish I could shy away from. I would rather be tracking down Az’s mother and ripping her throat out although I know my brother owns that right before me. But for the time being that retribution must wait the quest takes us away in a new direction, the path elsewhere but we will not forget and we will be back.
all my love,