It has been a growing experience for me, my journey with CrIsis, where is this journey leading me? In the throes of my power I threatened a man. Every being on this planet is sacred to someone, even belligerent tap-room owners.
Our large friend would have me admit to equivalency of action. His lifting a man bodily up to my clumsy threat…they are not the same, and yet…
There is basis to argue that they are equivalent. They are the basest mind seeking to impose it’s will upon another. So much easier to Befuddle and then offer what seems a fortune. Why did I not do this?
Again, it returns to my worry that CrIsis is changing me and I will not recognize myself when this journey is over. This is not entirely a bad thing. I feel young, so much younger that I was before I began this journey. Am I as spry as even the Dwarf? No, but I am mobile, and I am not yet ancient.
The Gods seem to be speaking to me when I use some of these new abilities that my time in CrIsis have granted me. I have called into my hand lightning on 5 separate occasions now, and not once have I been able to employ this caged might in the protection of me and mine.
Could it be that my mind was less than centered when these thoughts of power came to me? For so long my daggers have been my primary source of defense, but do I now try to take the offensive? Do those I serve consider this to be hubris on my part, taking control of the very powers of the sky?
Tyvernos, that being of little guile and less introspection seems to wield these powers without repercussion.
Or is the answer even more simple than that? Could it be that I am attributing godly intent where none exists?
That must be it. We have read the new rules governing CrIsis and the newly appointed ReSet. It makes me wonder at the wording. I had thought that a being like a Jinn was well beyond our power even as a group, and yet this Jinn has been given a group so he can be equal in power to us.
Could it be that we are even more powerful than I had assumed? Could it be that these compatriots of mine and I are…
No, I shouldn’t even think it, but I must wonder. The letters sent us would make me think that we have taken up the reigns that the Defilers of old held. Could this youth that has been granted the members of CrIsis be related to this?
I have much to think about as I prepare to take even more power to myself: What direction am I heading? What is it that I wish to accomplish? Who am I now? Do I like who I am becoming?
I smile into the teeming darkness on this night, the 8th night of the 8th month of my 99th year as I attain the 10th circle of enlightenment, a darkness that for me feels like coming home. I am becoming an instrument of my God. I watched his signature appear upon the agreement of the gods. More than any other time I feel connected to my deity.
These questions of self doubt…do they matter? I am right to question, but my doubts have no place in this matter going forward. They are for periods of introspection like this one. Do I truly doubt my place here?
I shouldn’t. I have been chosen of the gods, and as such I have reason to be here. I am ready for the future.
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