King of Bizantium, I your eternal servant give report of the happenings of CrIsis. It has been two weeks on the high seas in the southern part of Palladium and I miss Mary very much. I play my pipes to comfort myself at night and whisper the hymns that Mary taught me. I look out to the stars at night and hope that she can see the very stars that I see. I have prayed to Thoth and Isis each night while on the ship praying for her safety and a way to well… I explain later.
We have travailed much and have seen much. To sum it up we have been to Yin Sloth Jungles (a dreadful smelly place) and its neighbor Baalgor Wastelands (another equally gruesome and dry place). We have beheld some friends of light like Old Gregg (love old Gregg). We have met the King of Troker (another delightful character who if asked you don’t know me and never saw my beard). I am sure that when he finds our trickery will kick himself for putting us on the ‘black list’ for life (another story; one you’ll find quite humorous).
Troker was the last piece of land that I saw before commandeering a boat (legally I assure you; notice I didn’t say through trickery). After we set sail I thought of all the things that happened in these last few weeks with gods, dragons and kings it’s a miracle we are alive. While on the sea I have had some time to clear my head and think of my beloved Mary and our little one captive to the lords of the Dark. I want to ask you something, would you assign assassins to find Mary and bring her back to Bizantium? Kill that S.O.B. that has her now and bring my family home to our country. I don’t know how it is that the monster knows our whereabouts but I want to stop it and blind the beast.
Would you do research for me through your beloved wife and find out why or how it is that the Dark can see me and my fellows and how I can blind their eyes? I grow increasingly weary of the chase and hunt. We are hiding and running and still they see us and kill our helpers and kidnap our families. I am certain that even now they are making it hard on Bizantium because it is my home land.
Also is there a way for the Redbeard to keep their red beards? Mine has gone silver and likewise my eyebrows (and other areas; I was talking about chest hair you perve). I need to buy a red ribbon and tie it in my hair and have Mary do the same when she gets home to Bizantium. I really want to decorate my wife and daughters hair when they get home but first I must make it happen.
We have a new guy on board from the Wastelands named Bruce. He has an unusual accent. I am certain it is a Baalgor accent as he uses words that I am not used to. Also find out what a ‘wanker’ is. I am not sure if it is a title or insult or what. He has an insect on board that is the biggest house fly I have ever seen. It smells funny and is really jumpy but Bruce seems to like it. He ties it to the mast and we are able to pick up some speed even in low wind. Bruce is a Dragonman. I wish how that came about. He is a little taller than I. Weird I thought that I knew the world we live in. Turns out I have no clue.
Picture from Viking Today Magazine.