It pains me to pen this script and scrawl sadness on parchment anguished. Sounds of silence echo in eternity. My heart longs for elemental reunion with the realization of my soul’s symphonic trepidation. I am betrayed by Bennuvelent ambivalence in the wake of salubrious Bennubriation.
The gods must be crazy or I’m a Kalahari Bushman.
The time is upon me.
Vainglory waits for no gnome.
Otto’s presence the only clear reminder of my true purpose. Now that I am once again in possession of the divine-digit the St. Bernard’s posterior puckers piquantly like a juicy ruby starfruit. I’m of the mind the mind to secret the metatarcel away within the confines of crev-ass. I’m convinced, now, that last time I used the wrong end. No matter. I have proven my facility with learning from mistakes.
Forgive me, Tyvernos, for what I am about to do…
An accounting for all and none…
Three bird-headed creatures staring at us from the edge of the forest. We’re trying to peer into a Manor. We see the dining room with three place settings currently set. We search our minds for demon and monster lore. What are these bird creatures? They are Shedim! Oh gosh! They are squatting fetal birds with tree-claws! GASP! The demons disperse and move as if to flank us. Are they? I’d rather leave them to their devices and enter the house. Otto is hungry and the dining room is his destination.
Tyvernos says “fuck the group” and invokes his Travel Through Stone ability and walks through the stone wall of the dining room. He quickly seats himself and begins to eat an imaginary duck. CrIsis joins him in the dining room and points out that the bones are old and dusty — very little to eat. Raf interacts with Otto. Karma opens the door and discovers…a hallway. Raf decides to make a jello. We continue to delve deeper into the dark manor. Tyvernos invokes his Cloak of Shadows and completely disappears from view to some people. A change takes place in his demeanor and he sees red. We have been introduced and he makes my acquaintance. He wonders how best he can exploit the group for his own personal gain. Most folks can see in complete darkness. But Otto can’t. He’s safe!
We happen upon some dusty, old furniture broken and in disrepair. In the corner of the room there is a Mexican man with his pants around his ankles and swingin’ his junk. The ceilings are vaulted and much higher than we have seen before. There are footprints and stains that could be blood. We are unable to accurately gauge how recent these disturbances were made.
We discover a secret door with a button under a chair!
Tyvernos summons a Phantom — fragmented elemental essence — and gives it the direction to search the house and return to him with after finding any other secret compartments. Traps are detected and wards are in place! We could use a magic-user! Tyvernos calls upon his magic lore and identifies two active alarm wards — both silent. We enter the secret compartment regardless! Throwing caution to the winds and above us are doors that appear to go into a loft. Overkill announces that the FINGER of Nose Picking will point towards other pieces of Osiris and that Karma should pay very close attention to the digit. Karma pulls the finger out and gives it to Cava and he raises it only to have it point directly at the secret door we just came through.
Cava gives the finger to Tyvernos and Tyvernos casts Fly as the eagle on himself and flies up to the ceiling to where the holes in the ceiling have indicated water damage or some kind of opening. He flies up and disappears from view.
The rest of the group opens a portal and sees a spirit woman who is sitting there and shrieking! She warns the group to leave the island immediately. When someone moves toward her chest of drawers…or vanity…she screams, “Leave my belongings alone!” They find a small bottle of perfume decanter. Deciding to abandon the vanity / desk they go up into the loft and find some armor. There are three drawers in the desk and the first drawer is locked. Six blue bottles, facial powder, eyeshadow, quill pen, brush, comb, etc.
ALL OF A SUDDEN WE HEAR SWORDS CLANKING ON THE FLOOR! What happened?!?! Overkill has dropped his weapons. An Elf in the next room has warned us to leave! She runs away? We hear footsteps. Alric fails to break a lock. Tyvernos’s Phantom returns to him and makes him aware of a man with a Baal-Rog downstairs in the basement. He follows the finger to another room further down the hallway, opens the door, and sees another elf — portly, ugly and MAGICAL!!! who immediately disregards the parley of negotiation and summons three shadow beasts to set upon the innocent gnome. Meanwhile, back at the desk, they are attempting to break into a drawer. Tyvernos drops his cloak of silence, screams at the top of his lungs, and fails horribly at his attempt at histrionics — failed thespian — before the scream is cut off and he disappears up the stairwell and into the second floor.
The group, predictably, follows the sounds of my screams and goes toward the room I just came from…before disappearing upstairs and into the second floor. The group finally encounters the Elf who beset me! He appears to be standing amidst torn and broken furniture. There is no light in the entire room at all except for a curtained window that is allowing a little crack. A large mirror would reflect the door, a couch, a bed in the corner. The Elf, named Chandar, claims to be a prisoner — and 5 Shadow Beasts reveal themselves. Chandar has claimed that a mage in the basement has been keeping him prisoner. They sense evil on the Elf and he IS. Is he lying? Tyvernos returns and makes a huge show of being reunited with OTTO! He entertains a verbal joust with Raf while the group is being snowed over by the fat elf.
Raf Innisfahl:This is where we find out that Tyvernos is really the evil mage
Can we get a sense evil on him? He sounds like hes acting alot….
Tyvernos:Raf, how dare you suggest such a thing! Sense evil? I’m a SCION of my god, Bennu.
Raf Innisfahl:My apologies, sir gnome
…. Looks askance at tyv still
Tyvernos:This ring on my finger — the absence of which is on yours — demands my servitude and loyalty to a HIGHER POWER.
Actually, I’m quite shocked…le sigh.
Tyvernos does his best attempt at looking forlorn
Tyvernos:Wife? Please. Who’s around to wear the pants in that family when Osiris’s legs are still missing?
Raf Innisfahl:Isis is the Goddess of all light and knowledge Highest in the pantheon of gods of light
Tyvernos:Good sir Raf, while I enjoy our verbal joust, I have a nagging suspicion that this will quickly turn ugly…best ready that spear of yours and pray to Isis for guidance. I shall do the same…wink
Raf Innisfahl:We shall see whose god, or GODDESS answers first. ;)
Tyvernos comes to the forefront of the group and announces, “Before we take the words of this Evil Elf, perhaps we should allow the finger its divination!” These words spark ire in the elf’s eyes and combat begins. The room is filled with invisible monsters — in complete / true DARKNESS. Chandar throws off his cloak and reveals — THE RIBS OF OSIRIS!!!! That’s why he looked fat! Chandar begins chanting and Tyvernos responds by casting a globe of silence which happens to take up 80ft. Gosh! The group is now deaf AND blind. Tyvernos gets a chunk removed from his thigh but he hunkers down into TURTLE FORM and rolls with the damage. At the same time he cancels his silence spell.
Tyvernos takes another big bite and cries! But at his next action he bravely summons a Globe of True Daylight in the middle of the room and bathes the room, the shadow beasts, and all its combatants in the luminescence of the HEAVENS! Overkill parried a strike! Struck with his other sword and took an ALMOST-killing blow! All of the skeletons were forced to flee when Alric TURNED UNDEAD and turned the tides of the battle! OTTO BACKFLIPS OUT OF HARM’S WAY AND OVER TYVERNOS’S HEAD AFTER FLAWLESSLY DODGING A GIANT SHADOW BEAST!!!!! Then, Raf had a critical parry that SAVED A LIFE! Tyvernos then bolsters himself and shoots hay at a nearby shadow beast! OVERKILL WITH A KILLING BLOW!!! Chandar looses a spell that causes everyone to slow down and WITHER! Everyone looks really badly banged up! Tyvernos takes the opportunity to calculate the advanced mathematics to understand the physics of his SILENCE spell and then move down the hallway so as to only affect Chandar with the outer radius / circumference of his spell since it is a mandatory center on him. Alric uses a Scroll of Osiris and RESURRECTS Cava! LUCK POINTS SAVE THE DAY!!! Gavin slices into Chandar and everyone starts beating him up. We gang bang this guy into next week while he’s silenced. WHOA!!! NATE ROLLS TWO NATURAL TWENTIES!!!! Otto repositions himself to attack Chandar from betwixt the horse’s legs. Nate called his wife to say “goodnight.”
Chandar attempted to cast a magic spell — a particularly devastating spell that hits EVERYONE with a magic net — but unfortunately Tyvernos’s strategic globe of silence prevents him from decimating the group.
CHANDAR GOES DOWN AND THE CAVA HAS THE RIBS — HE DONS THEM — and it immediately fits exactly to his body. He looks fit as a fiddle with vim and vigor.
Tyvernos announces to everyone that his Phantom elemental essence fragment has returned from his scouting and reconnaissance mission and that there is a Baal-Rog in the bowls of the basement of the manor. He advocates resting up and going forth to vanquish yet another major menace!
Thus spoke Zarathustra.
Written by Tyvernos on the 11th of Thoth, in the 68th Year of the Wolfen Empire.
Picture from Coolest Homemade Costumes.