Whanna Siemyhinnie

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Whanna is an unconventional mage who has always held a deep desire to worship something. Being an elf, she knew that she had time, but was impatient. With hot looks. but being as crazy as a cat lady she made the perfect Trickster Mage. When she started her journey to religion she started as an avid card sharp and seducer; she was a swindler, con and cutthroat. Most of the time she would lounge around in burlesque-like clothing searching for the ever elusive rune bikini armor, but it wasn’t suiting the need to please the gods, and no one was pointing the way. For years she searched through tomes and literature attempting to find a god that would make her laugh, make her feel sexy, and would allow her to spread joy to the masses (maybe make a coin or two).

After searching the tomes of several libraries the war against the Zealotry occurred. She didn’t find the god that would please her or allow her to please others. The war cut her search short while she went to war with the Zealots. Twelve years of hunting those that would seek to destroy books and the written word. She was good; real good.

By the time the Zealots had disbanded Whanna had changed her name three times (Whanna Palmiifinger, Whanna Tuchmiboob; you get the idea). She could not get away from being funny but war changes people. She spoke six languages, read in all human languages and the languages of Dwarves and Elves. She knew so much folklore that it was not funny.

It was on a pilgrimage (and perhaps doing a little merc work on the side) to save some books of religion that she met BackSmack, the god of humor and tricks. At first it was an obscure passage. She consulted priest after priest until it lead her to the Western Empire. There she spent six months attempting to find some more about the god. It wasn’t until she met a crazy priest named Father Paul Mafinger that she finally got some answers and started on her own path to become a Ludicrous Mage. You see Paul was the god in disguise. He had planted the book in the caravan and expected that Whanna was going to catch on faster then she did, however she went in all the wrong directions because of the war and he finally approached her.

It took some time via correspondence back and forth of laugh after laugh. Finally, a letter was sent to her apartment where she was staying. All it said was meet me in the traveling circus at the monkeys. You will find out everything that you want to know about the god BackSmack. Her heart jumped and she raced to the place. There she met a smelly old fart (I mean literally, stunk to high heaven like eggs and onions). Like a stand up street comic the priest dropped the hit one liners over and over until she got the clue that this guy wasn’t playing her (well not exactly) but was going to give her the hints of the god. She spoke.

Who is BackSmack?

The reply; “Holy crap lady, you really have no hint?”

She pulled a crossbow.

She started to laugh as the disguise fell away and the god in all his glory shown.

At first the woman was a bit surprise and confused.

“Wait! Have you been playing me?”

“Uh Dui!”

At first the trickster was mad; then started to laugh. She laughed so hard she peed her pants. His only reply to it was,


For the next few years the two learned from each other. BackSmack was relentless about humor, a good round of booze and cards, and teaching her tons of stuff. Then one day he just disappeared. Her attire had changed; the chaps were gone, the boots sold and she looked more like a clown. There was a letter on the middle aged mage’s desk. It smelled like old eggs and onions. The inscription read:

“Your ready kid go knock-knock them dead and show them what real magic is about.”

The vigor for life and excitement caused the mage to race outside her apartment and do a one-woman street show. She entertained for what seemed like three days.

Time has passed since that day and she still peruses word of the Zealots but mostly teaches the young men and women about BackSmack the god of clowns, mimes and and funny mages. She has taught over three dozen mages and has a shrine to BackSmack (ok it’s a Schick but everyone has to have a holy symbol) that has got her arrested over a dozen times. She no longer has an apartment but is on the run throughout the kingdom, hooking up with the circus and card sharks; is independently wealthy; spends money like its going out of style. She will not leave her home of Western Empire because she can’t help but educate, write and communicate all things BackSmack.

Whanna has a taste for booze, smokes and money. Her stunning good looks have got her out of tight spots. Her history of lovers and haters is long and most of the time she spends entertaining or swindling. She is wanted in several territories in the Western Empire, and all of Lopan and Phi.

The attitude of this woman is a cross between a crazy gambler, a psycho clown and a homeless cat woman who smiles a lot. Her attire is trench coat, magic boots, the fable rune bikini armor and several weapons (some magic) on her body.

Whanna Siemyhinnie

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