The Gods do not want me here. Not all of them, anyway.
Then why did they call me?
The Gods are angry with me; how I could have angered them so?
I am not worthy of anything, and have no business here.
Merciful Lady, I have sinned in what I have thought and said, in the wrong I have done and in the good I have not done. I have sinned in ignorance; I have sinned in weakness; I have sinned through my own deliberate fault. I am truly sorry. I repent and turn to you. Forgive me, and renew me to the glory of your name.
Rurga is not my friend, yet she wants me as a follower? In what way does this make any sense? I offend her, I offend my gods, she doesn’t like me, but I would make a great follower?
Clearly, there is a deeper game being played here.
I must be cautious.
Have mercy on me, Great Lady, In your goodness, in your abundant compassion, blot out my offense. Wash away all my guilt. From my sin cleanse me.
Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure, wash me, make me whiter than snow. Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness, let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Turn away your face from my sins, blot out all my guilt.
Where there once was color, there is nothing but grey.
Where there once was joy, or sorrow, or even purpose of being, there is now nothing.
I am hollow.
A clean heart create for me, Great Lady. Renew in me a steadfast spirit. Do not drive me from your presence, nor take from me your holy spirit. Restore my joy in your salvation, sustain in me a willing spirit.
A clean heart?
A steadfast spirit?
Restore my joy?
Ye Gods.
Great Lady, make me one with your eternal mystery and take me, finally, into the light.
It would be so nice to be dead.
Nevertheless,
I will remain, and attempt to do thy will.
Comments
If you feel no hope, inspire it in others.
If you feel no happiness, inspire it in others.
If you feel no heart, inspire it in others.
DO this enough times and you will find what you had all along.
The advice coming from Mr Glum Minoteen.
I am just waiting for the Gods to do something worthy of praise, so far the only ones that seem to actually work with their followers are the Gods of Darkness, just saying. I want to believe in good so I try to inspire in others. -Xerx’ses
Brian → I can’t for his healing soul to finish because I am annoyed playing the Minoteen, however, nothing has happened to show the Gods of Light benevolence. Saying that they are holding the gods of darkness back comes pretty hollow when your family is dead.
Says a great deal when I have more fun playing a heartless soldier of fortune vampire, and a good wizard! :-) Ok off to classes, yay business!
Well it’s about FUN. If you don’t like the Angsty Minoteen change his personality to one of upbeat joviality and optimism Voltaire. If you are tired of Mr. Glum the Horny One roll up another t00n. Victor is very accommodating in that respect and you only lose two levels (ahem mister 500 logs in 6 months*). Heheheh! It’s your FIRST char in AG…R. You should roll up a Mythic Warrior like OMEN…hehe!
Btw, Awesome log Cava! I looked everywhere for the blood but apparently suicide is ALSO a sin. Sigh. Sometimes we can’t win for losin’ buddy.
I play the character, go back and read a few logs of his recent stuff, he is trying to change. But I won’t ditch a role just because its difficult, so we have to watch rebuilding of happiness. It’s not something that is a flip of a switch, in this way I play the characters like method actor. Even though I might be angry the situation the journey is as important as the end. :-)
I liked your log, Rik. It was very true to how Cava feels, from what I have seen in game, and how you have played him. I do worry about him, though, and I hope we can pull out of this slump soon. Too many of our group are getting depressed. And I don’t mean “bottle of jack and a gun” depressed, but “slash with razorblades in a warm bath with blood thinners” depressed. Ja’Deir will bring happy happy joy joy feelings for everyone, and for anyone with trauma, he’ll gladly heal any psychic scars you may have.
Az_Rune, remember that not all method acting is laudable. I loved Heath Ledger in batman, BUT not even a fantastic actor like him could pull himself out of his role. Don’t ruin your own outlook because your char is darker than you. The game is to divert and uplift. Make life better, not darker. “The Lady of Luck Loves All, even if your dice hate you.” As Azariel would say.